Black Letters
by YouSeeStrangerThings
Summary: The first war is starting to takes its toll on the inhabitants of Hogwarts. Deaths occur and new relationships are being made because of it.


**Hey Jily oneshot its like my first sad, war-like one so drop me a review**

**Black Letters**

He leaned back on to two legs of his chair. He couldn't think about this now. It wasn't the time nor the place. Sirius was sitting on his left and Remus on his right. And Lily kept glancing over at them, to make sure they were working, he assumed. He chewed silently on his quill thinking. But he couldn't think about that. He should be writing his essay right now. What was the essay even about? Transfiguration? This was his best subject why was he having such a memory block.

Lily hadn't looked away this time. She was staring at his face intensely. Almost glaring. What was wrong? He swallowed noticeably and set out to do his work when he heard the scraping of a chair. He stared unseeingly at his paper until he heard her beautiful voice. "James can I talk to you for a second?" she whispered, after all they were in a library.

Sirius looked up at James and gave slight shake of his head as if to say no. Remus threw a ball of parchment at Sirius without looking up from his book. "Sure," James answered croakily after having not used his voice for a day. He stood up and turned to Remus and Sirius, "I'll be back in a few minutes, watch my stuff?" Remus nodded and Sirius stared at James' empty parchment and quill. James hit him on the back of his head on his way out.

James and Lily turned a third corner before either one said something. "So you wanted to talk to me?"

Lily swallowed and nodded. "I wanted to ask what was wrong?"

He looked at her coldly and she flinched away not having experienced his glare before. "Well Evans, in case you haven't heard, my parents died. And even you had to notice 3 days ago when I got a black letter from a ministry owl and left the great hall."

"I skipped breakfast that morning," she replied stiffly. "I was just worried."

"That's a first. I mean really there is no need to pity me. No need to be nice to me now! Why is it any different?" Her eyes narrowed.

"I just thought it would be nice to have someone to talk to about it."

"You wouldn't understand."

"He says to the girl who got a black letter from a ministry owl and ran out of the great hall a week ago," she said bitingly. He blanched.

"What?"

"Oh sorry you must've skipped breakfast that day." Lily said sarcastically. "What's even better is that your closest friend got removed from school because her parents are to worried about her. And the other friend you have is way to preoccupied with three other friends and school work. So yeah I have no bloody idea what you must be going through. Oh and how could I forget? It's especially easy when the only other person missing them as much as you blames you for their deaths. That also is completely and utterly the opposite of what your going through. Mines much easier." Lily said all this with a rising voice and James was looking steadily more ashamed of his temporary loss of memory.

"Look Lily I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean it like that I just-" he broke off not wanting to get into it with the girl who despised him.

"Miss them?" she asked slightly nicer.

He nodded. "You have had it so much worse than me but listen Lily, mine still hurts."

"Mine does too. But guess what? You have three great friends who are worried about you, even I can tell that. They miss you. The real you. The happy-go-lucky guy who always has a joke to say or a prank to play. The whole- okay well ¾ of the school misses you. Even the teachers miss you. And…" she swallowed loudly. "And I…miss you," she whispered.

He looked at her incredulously, his mouth was hanging open in disbelief. "Look, you were the only thing that kept me going. Because whether it was by some weird twist of fate or just by coincidence whenever I was getting really depressed or about to cry you were there and making a joke. Or doing something weird and crazy, like jumping in the lake in November. And I know it may sound stupid but when I got the letter I just wanted to cry and sob to _someone_. But no one was there. And you may have someone for you, but boys don't like to cry let alone in front of other boys. So I thought I'd offer a shoulder to cry on or a something because you look so sad and I miss the jokes and the happiness."

He was still looking at her like she had grown a third head. But his jaw had locked and he seemed to be thinking. Thinking about the forbidden topic. He shouldn't revisit or talk about it or anything but it was coming to the front of his mind of its own accord.

The detached letter, McGonagall giving him _that_ look, the lonely feeling, the hopeless feeling. And without realizing it or wanting to, he started to cry. And he felt something around his waist and on his chest. James looked down and saw that Lily was hugging him with her head leaning on his chest. If this were any other circumstance he would be jumping for joy. But it wasn't any other circumstance, this was now and he slowly wrapped his arms around her. He buried his face into her hair, smelling the sweet sent of lavender. And he cried and he whispered things to her that he wouldn't even tell Sirius about how he felt. And she told him it would be alright and that he'll never get over it but he will move on. And he still has a family. He has Sirius and Remus and Peter. And he's got her.

And no matter what anyone said, he wouldn't and couldn't ever stop loving her.

After what seemed like days he slowly let go of her embrace. "I should be getting back the guys." She smiled slightly at him.

"C'mere," and he leaned forward and she wiped his tear stained face with her hand. He closed his eyes and leaned lightly into her touch. "There all better. Do you mind if I come with you I need to get a book?" He shook his head.

"No you can come."

"Good 'cause I was going either way." And for the first time in three days James Potter smiled a genuine smile. However small, it still counted.

Lily and James walked into the library over and hour later. And James was smiling. Sirius, who had been staring at the ceiling, looked over at the door when he heard it open. Remus looked up briefly, looked back at his book, then looked up again, disbelieving yet hopeful. Lily and James walked over to his table and just as James was about to sit down Sirius stood up and said, "Now that you're back you can get your stuff and we can leave, right?" he asked desperately.

"Sure Padfoot. Let's go." He said smiling at his best friend. "Come on Remy we have planning to do." He said giving Remus a "covert" look. James picked up his bag and strutted out of the room. Remus smiled at Lily and walked after him leaving her alone with Sirius. He stared at her for a second and then abruptly hugged her. "Thank you. For bringing him back," he whispered.

After hearing that, she hugged him back. "You're the one who has to keep him here," she said as he walked away.

He made it all the way to the door before turning back, and despite it being the library, yelled. "Don't make him wait much longer. The guy could use a little happiness in life. Don't you think Evans!" He winked and then left behind a laughing Lily.

**So it is now 10:55 in the pm and I'm tired so I hope this is ok 'cause I had a moment of inspiration and it turned into this and I keep spelling words wrong. I keep having issues with simple words too. Like boys the and I almost just misspelled turned so I'm magical that way REVIEW IT**

**Courtne**


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